An Eragon made movie
by drag1110
Summary: Eragon decides to make a movie with all his friends in weird random situation.WARNING: lots of randomness
1. The idea and ice cream

**First storie so ...... Eragon decides tomake a movie way better than the previous one WARNING: LOT'S OF RANDOMNESS**

**DISCLAIMERS: I DO NOT OWN ANY CARACTER OF ERAGON OR ANYTHING ELSE**

Eragon, Murtagh, Orik and Durza came out of theatre after watching Eragon the movie. They were all pissed off except for the shade who for some unknown reason kept putting his hands down his pants and moaning every time he saw an urgal or himself on the wide screen.

**Murtagh**: Well that was a piece of crap.

**Durza**: Take that back!!

**Murtagh**: I will when you stop calling me emo

**Durza**: I'll stop calling you emo when you stop calling me gay

**Murtagh**: I'll stop calling you gay when you get rid of that dress in your closet

**Durza**: You swore that you wouldn't talk about it anymore!!!!

**Murtagh**: Yeah but you never said anything about talking about it in public

**Durza**: That's it!!!!! I'm leaving!!

**Murtagh**: Where exactly?

**Durza**: At that gay ba....I mean that super cool not gay bar on the other side of the street

There was a long silence. Then Durza ran towards his destination. Upon entering, he was immediately attacked by baboons. They pushed Durza down knocking him unconscious. He woke up and found himself surrounded by even more baboons.

**Baboon #1**: Welcome prisoner, to the torture chamber! Here you will encounter the most evil forms of torture known to our species; **THE MAGICAL BABOONS OF THE GAY BAR**!!!!

**Durza**: Where am I? Who are you people?

**Baboon #1**: I just told you. Didn't you hear what I said?

**Durza**: How can you talk? Where am I?

**Baboon #1**: .......just start torturing him.

A screen lowered itself in front of Durza and a red puppet came out of it. No matter where you are its soulless black eyes would see right through you.

**Elmo**: Hello kids! Let's sing the alphabet! A, B, C, D......

**Durza**: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!! IM LEARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Baboon #2**: Relax; you only need to do 10 more hours of this and you can continue on the other hundreds.

**Durza**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

**Baboon #2**: And after that you get free pie.

**Durza**: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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**Eragon**: I bet we could make a way better movie than what we just saw. If I ever made a movie I would be filthy rich and.......wait a second, I got an idea!

**5 minutes later...**

Eragon, leader of the nudist rebellion, charged towards the hobo army with the remaining nudist soldiers in a final attempt to overthrow their control over the beach. They were outnumbered 3 to 1 but luck was on their side; most of the hobos were swept in the sea by a wave and eaten by sharks. The rest were easy to deal with thanks to Eragon's cloth throwing archers. Finally, the battle was over, the nudists won and the beach was free again. Just as they were about to celebrate, Eragon stopped to think.

**Eragon**: Wait a second, I got another idea! I'll make a movie, become filthy rich and-

He heard sirens, a police car drives by and an officer comes out.

**Officer**: Who is responsible for this mess!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Eragon**: He is! (points at Durza who barely escaped the evil baboons).

**Durza**: What?

Before Durza could talk again, he was handcuffed and sat in the back of the police car. The last thing he said before being driven away was '**WAIT I FORGOT MY PIE!!!!!'**

**Eragon**: So.... who wants to be in my movie?

**Orik**: Count me in!

**Durza**: MEEEEEEE TOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! (waving at Eragon from the back of the car)

**Murtagh**: Give me one good reason why I would say yes.

**Eragon**: I'll buy you a taco?

**Murtagh**: YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Eragon**: Then its settled, we start filming as soon as we bust Durza out of prison or forget about him

**Orik**: Hey look its the ice cream man!!!!

**Eragon**: AFTER HIM!!!!!!!!!!

**Will Murtagh get his taco? Will Durza ever get his free pie? Will the ice cream man ever come out from Eragon's feeding frenzy alive? Tune in to find out**

**Please review and tell me if i should make another chapter**


	2. the journey and pie

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything**

Eragon sat there with Murtagh and Orik, eating ice cream next to the burning van which used to contain frozen dairy treats. From the back of the vehicle came the ice cream man, his whole body ablaze.

**Ice cream man**: HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPP MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Eragon**: You got my fudgesicle?

**Ice cream man**: Oh yeah here you go (hands Eragon a fudgesicle) that'll be 1.50$ sir

**Eragon**: Here you go.

**Murtagh**: Hey! Where's my Mega Missile Warhead?

**Ice cream man**: were ran out of that a while ago, how about a Firecracker?

**Murtagh**: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .....................okay (takes the Popsicle and gives him the money).

**Ice cream man**: What was I talking about again? (Scratches burning head) Oh well, I guess if I ignore it it'll go away. We'll see you later.

The ice cream man goes into the flaming truck without noticing that it's on fire. As soon as he starts it up, the van explodes causing him to fly out and hit the ground.

**Ice cream man**: urrggh...............hey, I'm alive! IM STILL ALIV-(gets knocked out by baboons)

**Baboon #1**: Take him to the torture chamber!!!!

**Baboon #2, #3, #4 and #5**: Yes sir!!!!! (Drags the ice cream man away)

**Baboon #1**: (points at Eragon and the gang) you saw nothing.

**Eragon**: .......

**Orik**: .......

**Murtagh**: .......

**Baboon #1**: Oh and by the way, could you give this pie to Durza? He forgot it while trying to escape. (Hands the pie to Eragon) See you later!

They waited for the baboons to leave before finishing their popsicles and started thinking of ideas for their movie.

**Eragon**: We should have dragons in the movie, and lots of them!

**Orik**: How can we do that? The only dragons at our disposal are Saphira and Thorn.

**Eragon**: Easy, since Saphira is a female and thorn is a male they could just-

**Murtagh**: HELL NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Eragon**: Relax, all we need is about 100 eggs, your dragon will have to stay up all night for the next week and I'll have to buy at least 10 barrels of Red bull and-

**Murtagh**: I SAID NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Eragon**: Okay fine, just 50 eggs then

**Murtagh**: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Eragon**: Can I at least get some of thorn's butter?

**Murtagh**: What did you just say?

**Eragon**: What? I'm hungry and my toast is getting cold.

**Murtagh**: For a second there I though you wanted me to get you thorn's sperm

**Eragon**: Ewwwwww....that's disgusting, I would wait until you left for somewhere like Ellesméra and take as much as I can from Thorn before you come back

**Murtagh**: Wait what?

**Eragon**: Ok we'll have more ideas in larger groups so Orik, you go to Surda and bring as much people as you can. Oh yeah and by the way, give this pie to Durza on your way

**Orik**: You can count on me

**Eragon**: Now Murtagh, go to Ellesméra deep within Weldenvarden and convince them to be in my movie. I'll go and bring Saphira and Thorn.

**Murtagh**: HEY! I know what you're trying to do! As soon as I leave, you'll go and try to get some of Thorn's-

**Eragon**: Did I mention that since the elves are vegetarians they don't hunt the animals in the forest

**Murtagh**: I'm still not going

**Eragon**: Did I also forget to mention that one of the animals are made of magical taco?

**Murtagh**: I'll go get my hunting equipment and my lucky harpoon!!!!!!

**Eragon**: Then it's settled, well meet up here when were done

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Orik finally arrived at the police station were Durza was imprisoned until his debt was repaid.

**Durza**: Orik thank god! You got to get me out of here! The baboons are coming to bring me back to the torture chamber!

**Orik**: Eragon said to give this to you

**Durza**: MY PIE!!!! FINALLY!!!!

**Orik**: Well, see you later. (Walks away)

**Durza**: WAIT!!!!!!!! Well at least I have this pie made of...........wait a second, what's this? (Finds paper under pie tin)- DESINTEGRATOR PIE; IT MELTS ANYTHING- Oh great! What am I supposed to do with a pie that can melt anything ... Wait a second I got an Idea!

He aims the pie towards the jail bars and, without a second thought, hits the cop on the face. The man then instantly turns into liquid. Durza then takes the keys from his remains and opens the door.

**Durza**: Now all I have to do is go get enough money to pay of my fine and I can get out of this horrible place. Its times like this I'd like to thank my brain for making me so smart.

**Durza's brain**: What the hell are you talking about? Your freaking dumb!!

**Durza**: No I'm not!

**Durza's brain**: Yes you are!

**Durza**: No I'm not!

**Durza's brain**: Yes you are!

**Durza**: No I'm not!

**Durza's brain**: Yes you are!

**Durza**: No I'm not!

**Durza's brain**: Yes you are!

**Durza**: Prove it!

**Durza's brain**: How about this idea right now!

**Durza**: What of it?

**Durza's brain**: Why don't you just walk away? You're already out of jail

**Durza**: well that would be breaking the law

**Durza's brain**: Just go meet everyone in there movie thing

**Durza**: Fine, but we go to the pie shop first

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Deep within Weldenvarden, all the animals cowered in fear as the monster struck down yet another one of their companions.

**Murtagh**: Let's hope you're the animal made of tacos

**Elf**: STOP!!! IM NOT EVEN AN ANIMAL!!!!!!!

**Murtagh**: (sniffing the elf like a dog) you're right and you don't even smell like taco. Oh well, to the evil hole of torture you go!

Murtagh drops the elf in the hole, causing him to hit his head on the ground below. He looks around and sees paralyzed and scared beasts near an open TV.

**TV announcer**: The following presentation is brought to you by: THE MAGICAL BABOONS OF THE GAY BAR!!

**Elmo**: Help me count! 1, 2, 3, 4...

**Elf**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- you got anything to drink?

**Murtagh**: no

**Elf**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

**Murtagh**: Ha-ha! Look at him suffer!

**Giant deer made of tacos**: Hello! I am the giant deer made of tac-

Murtagh: SHUT UP OR GO AWAY!!!!!! I'm busy making someone suffer!

Giant deer made of tacos: Fine! (Walks away)

Murtagh: Hahahahahahahahaha now I'm bored.....well time to go hunting. I WILL FIND YOU TACO BEAST WEREVER YOU ARE!!!!!

**Giant deer made of tacos:** I'm right here

Murtagh: SHUT UP!!! Can't you see I'm trying to catch you!!!

**Giant deer made of tacos:** ......

**Murtagh:** Now where was I...... ah yes I WILL FIND YOU!!!!!!

**Will the ice cream man ever escape the clutche of the baboons? Will Durza ever stop arguing with himself? Will Murtagh ever find the taco animal? Is Eragon really gonna milk Thorn? Will I ever stop questioning myself? tune in to find out!!**

**Please review**


	3. The encounters and DVDs

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Eragon characters or any othe characters I mentioned in this chapter**

Eragon finally arrived at the cave where Saphira and Thorn lived. He had ran through the jungle, got chased by leopards, eaten up and pooped by an elephant, licked clean by a group of piranhas (he got a few of them in case the cow army comes and seeks their revenge) and raped by teddy bears.

**Eragon**: I FINALLY MADE IT!!!!!! After two gruelling days I can finally- wait what's this? (Picks up paper)

_****_

Dear Eragon,

_**If you are reading this you are probably plotting get rich quick**_

_**Scheme involving thorn and me reproducing. The answer is no.**_

**_Anyways I went to go hunting I'll be back in the afternoon._**

**_Saphira_**

**_P.S._**

**_There's an aquarium in the back of the cave, I never use it so_**

**_you can have it._**

**Eragon:**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- wait there's another note

**_Dear Murtagh,_**

**_If you are reading this remember that next time I see you, you_**

**_better have my money I loaned you for those tacos this month_**

**_or I swear I'll break your legs, throw you in a active volcano _**

**_and make you eat my shit!!!!!!!!!!_**

**_sincerely, Thorn_**

**_P.S._**

**_If you want to loan more money for tacos, you gotta pay me back_**

**_with a 10% interest_**

**_P.P.S_**

**_If you find a DVD with the title "Saphira gets down and dirty" please give_**

**_it back to me and I'll forget the loan and give you as much tacos as you want._**

**_P.P.P.S._**

**_If you're wondering what's on the DVD it's just Shaphira in poses_**

**_that I secretly video taped and that I watch while I'm in the_**

**_bathroom or while I'm alone in my room._**

**_P.P.P.P.S._**

**_Please ignore what I just wrote before._**

**_P.P.P.P.P.S._**

**_You are probably wondering why I wrote so many P.S., I lost my_**

**_eraser._**

**Eragon: **Okay now where was I... oh yeah -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO now I'm bored ...................................................... still bored ............................. thinking .................................................................... I GOT AN IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (drops piranhas in the aquarium, then drops armadillos with the piranhas)With the combined force of the blood thirsty piranhas and the armored armadillos, their babies will be unstoppable and therefore perfect for my movie MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Now my pets reproduce like rats, or like mice, well just reproduce............................better go and find other people.

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Orik sat there with frustration as he saw the "you must be this tall" sign at the varden camp.

**Orik:** THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!

**Varden soldier #1**: I'm sorry but to prevent any rabbits from entering we have to put up "you must be this tall" signs to scare them.

**Orik**: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!!!!

**Varden soldier #1**: Fine I'll let you in

**Orik**: That's better

Orik only took ten steps before noticing the "you must be this heavy" sign in front of him

**Varden soldier #2**: I'm sorry sir but to prevent jaguars from getting skinny we have to put up signs to-

**Orik**: DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't take this anymore I'm leaving.

He turns around and finds a "you must be this happy to leave the varden camp" sign

**Orik**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It was late afternoon when Durza woke up in a giant pie cooking in a gigantic oven

**Durza**: What just happened?

**Durza's brain**: God do I have to explain everything? You got drunk at the pie shop then ran over 20 people with a bulldozer, married a cactus and made a bet with a cow that if you don't win anything in the next lottery ticket you buy, you'll have to sleep in a uncooked pie.

**Durza**: So I lost?

**Durza's brain**: No you won

**Durza**: Then why am I in a pie?

**Durza's brain**: Sadly your prize was that you get to sleep in a giant pie

**Durza**: Oh

**Durza's brain**: You do realise that it's been 30 minutes since you've been in this oven?

**Durza**: Yeah I'm just thinking how to approach the subject............................... ok starting in 3.......2.......1.......GO! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!!!!! BRAIN IF I DIE TELL MY WIFE I LOVE HER!!!!

**Durza's brain**: Ummmmmm.......... I don't know if you've noticed but since I'm inside of you if you die I die too

**Durza**: THEN WHY ARE YOU SO CALM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Durza's brain**: Because while you were sleeping I found out that the door of the oven wasn't closed

**Durza**: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!??!?!??!?!?

**Durza's brain**: I didn't want to spoil the moment

**Durza**: OH I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!

**Durza's brain**: Then why are you still screaming?

**Durza**: I FORGOT HOW TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Durza's brain**: It'll probably stop soon so lets go meet everyone

**Durza**: OKAY!!!! OMG IT'S THE COW NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Cow**: Moo

**Durza**: PLEASE SPARE ME!!!!!!!!!! TAKE MY BRAIN INSTEAD!!!!!!!

**Cow**: Moo

**Durza**: STOP TAUNTING ME!!!! HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Cow**: Moo

**Durza**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Durza's brain**: (sigh) This is going to be a long trip

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**Murtagh**: I finally found you taco fiend! After sleepless hours at tracking you down I finally have you cornered!

**Giant deer made of tacos**: What the hell do you mean tracking me down? I have been walking besides you for the past 2 hours

**Murtagh**: There no use screaming for help, get ready to get eaten!

**Giant deer made of tacos**: Wait! I'll give you a DVD I found in the floor if you don't eat me!

**Murtagh**: What's it about?

**Giant deer made of tacos**: I don't have a DVD player so all I know is that the title is "Saphira gets down and dirty". Here, look for yourself (Hands DVD to Murtagh)

**Murtagh**: Why does that sound familiar? Oh well time to eat! (Starts munching on the taco head of the deer)

**Giant deer made of tacos**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

**5 MINUTES LATER...**

**Murtagh**: Well I'm full

**What's left of the taco deer**: OH THANK GOD!!!! I'M FREE-

**Murtagh**: I suddenly feel a little hungry

**What's left of the taco deer**: I'll shut up now

**Murtagh**: That's better, still this DVD really sounds familiar........ Oh well better go to Ellesméra. I can probably sell this piece of junk for something

**What's left of the taco deer**: Well actually I think you can get more if you sell it to the red dragon that's been putting posters all over town saying that he will pay any price for the DVD "Saphira gets-

**Murtagh**: THAT'S IT IT'S TIME FOR DESSERT!!!!!!!

**What's left of the taco deer**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**1 MINUTES LATER...**

**Murtagh**: You know I think you were right taco deer. To bad I don't know any red dragon except for Thorn...... unless Thorn had a baby with Saphira!!!!! OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU ERAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FOR SOME REASON RORAN AND MR. BEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Will Eragon's scheme finaly work? Does Durza get any stupider? Whats the first thing Murtagh says in the next chapter? Who will be the next rider in the fourth book? **

**Find out in the next chapter!!!!**

**please review**


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